Adult Attention Deficiet Disorder…Awesome July 15, 2009

So my identical twin sister just got diagnosed with moderate-mild adult ADD…she is getting medication for it and everything. She said they gave her a very extension evaluation, a few hours long, that was able to determine what was going on. She and I have talked about similar problems with focusing on a task, coming up with answers to questions, sorting out thoughts in our head, and stuff like that. Our conversation actually began when I text-messaged her saying I had a serious spending problem (I was at the mall shopping when I sent her this message) and she replied saying that was a symptom of adult ADD, and that she had just been diagnosed.

This new development in my sister’s life is so depressing….mostly because I probably have the same condition but can’t afford to go get evaluated because I don’t have health insurance and it’s apparently a very costly “appointment.” And to think that this is something that we could have possibly had corrected as children, because it most likely began when we were young. And now that we’re adults, we’ve gone through our entire lives with this problem, it hindering us in school, and now I’ve screwed up my whole life because of it. I never learned to study properly or retain information accurately as a student and now I just feel dumb.

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT. I feel like the dumbest person on earth. I feel stupid compared to everyone who is around me. I feel like I make a fool of myself when people ask me questions and I don’t know how to answer them. I can’t even answer a simple math problem because I get so nervous that I may get it wrong and then overthink it and look like a retard. I can’t even play a simple kids game correctly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i.e. Prof. Layton’s Curious Village…simple puzzles I can’t get right.)

I’m just so discouraged…and I feel like I don’t have anyone in my life willing to help me or who will be there for me. Everyone is just too busy with their own drama, or can’t look past other things, to really sincerely help me. I need help. I need my mom I need my family I need something…

Proposals are an epidemic… July 7, 2009

I am so sick and exhausted of hearing people getting engaged…especially when they are like fresh graduates from college! I don’t know, I guess I have to be happy for some people, but geesh, it’s like a sickness going around or something. Every time I turn my head (or my facebook page) someone new has bling on their finger. Maybe I’m resentful because I’m not engaged yet, but still, it’s so annoying!!!

I’m ony 26 years old and every where I turn there is more pressure…and it’s indirect pressure too. I feel as though the fact that everyone is getting married is just reinforcement that I am NOT engaged.

That being said, my man and I just put an offer on a house. Yep, so out of order and I LOVE IT and DON’T CARE!

Going to the gym…gotta get this flab back into shape.