I won’t be cliche and say that I thought we were going to be together forever…but that’s how our relationship started, as a movie cliche. I guess it’s only natural and typical for it to end as a cliche too.
But it wasn’t just the normal situation…there was no infidelity, there was no “other woman”, and neither of us beat on each other. We just simply weren’t meant to be (okay, I promise no more cliche’s after this!).
I’ve never dated a real “man’s” man. He was all of that…or so I thought. I know guys belch and fart and are kind of messy sometimes — that sort of comes with that dating package. Of course, I wasn’t prepared for it 24/7…like burping as he leaned in for a kiss, and walking around buck naked ALL THE TIME. And I really didn’t forsee him putting all things in his life before me: work, his affinity for guns, video games, his family, his body image…I was never at the top of his list. He, however, was alway s at the top of mine.
And that is where I lost part of myself…part of my spirit. I gave up so much to be with him — my family, my friends, my job — all to live the military life. But I told myself “That’s okay!” because I was in love and we were going to be together forever. Our relationship started via email and then gradually went into phone calls. Everything was so fairy-tale like: he was sweet, charming, appreciated me, loved the same things I did. Then we met for the first time and we knew it was love. He went back for four months to finish his tour and I packed up my stuff and moved in with him when he got back. But as soon as the “vacation” was over, he became a totally different person.
Work began again and he warned me that things would get a little different once that happened…he’d be busier, come home tired, etc. But what I didn’t know was that the etc. was, “Honey, I’m going to be the polar oppposite to the person you fell in love with.”
He put his needs and comfort before ours (as in our relationship) and became a very self-absorbed anti-social person. We never went out, unless it was dinner solo, and the only thing we did on weekends was go to gun shows and go to the park. If we did plan something, he’d want to bow out at the last minute and sometimes convince me to do so as well. When we did go to social events (battalion formals, a wedding, family gatherings) he’d complain of being exhausted and thus either be completely quiet and anti-social (like he was hating life) or he’d absolutely ignore me. I’m talking won’t touch me, associate with me, talk to me, NOTHING. At one point we were at his sister’s wedding and sitting at a table with several other couples — we were the only couple you’d think weren’t involved; everyone else was being sweet with one another, affectionate, etc.
As our relationship progressed it began to make me feel worthless, lonely and unattractive. We didn’t make love, we just had sex. He always initiated it and if I tried he’d say he was “too tired.” (I bring up that part of our relationship because it is IMPARITIVE for a couple to have intimacy, but it should be beautiful and meaningful for both parties…) He bought me things only for his personal gain — whether that was so he could use it or show it off. I felt like nothing more than a trophy to him.
Now at times he was sweet, loving and affectionate…but that was only behind closed doors. Vacation’s were great too because, I guess, he was away from work. But a relationship has to last beyond the “vacation.”
I would also like to address that the job of military officer is NOT EASY. I do not entirely blame him for the downfall of our relationship: I had a part in this too and I was often impatient and resentful to him because he couldn’t be present. His job is stressful and asks a lot of him…to be fair, this is a very critical time in his career and I didn’t have to be apart of the army life. Now that I have, I probably will not date another military man ever again.
On the contrast, my ex has some serious growing up to do. He had not had a meaningful adult relationship before ours. He needs to learn some more about women and see them more than just objects and things in his life.
That being said, I am working on ME now…getting a career going (finally) and starting to take care of myself.
Thank you for listening,
HeartBlogger
I think they are having a boy and that she and her husband will make fantastic parents! I miss my bestie so much, and it was so wonderful and comforting to see her this weekend too.
